The Vidalia. Like The Onion, Only Sweeter. February 15, 2016
by M.Blazoned
Area Man was surprised when his “cool” wife was upset he didn’t do anything romantic for her on Valentine’s Day. Jason Reston of Portland, Oregon was confused because his wife is not the type to want a fancy overpriced dinner out with champagne and roses.
“I thought I knew her,” he said scratching his head. “I just never thought she was the kind of woman who would want me to do something to make her feel special on Valentine’s Day.” Jason went on to say that he wished there were some societal clues, or commercials, or a billion dollar business to help him figure that out.
“I wish someone had given me a heads up, ya know. So, I would have known that was a thing women liked on Valentine’s Day.”
“I feel like she’s to blame too,” Jason said while packing his bags. “I mean, she could have told me what she wanted, or even gone out and gotten it for herself and wrapped it from me.” Mr. Reston was very clear that he was 100% supportive of his wife spending a reasonable amount of money on something that would adequately express his romantic love for her without his being involved.
“I’m a romantic and I love my wife,” he added as he checked into the YMCA, “I just didn’t know there was a way or a specific day to express that.”
Related Posts
…or a Seinfeld Bond. Either Way. Today is the day that 20…
I love Christmas and I love buying gifts for people, but put…
So, my friend invited me to a Better Than Ezra concert. She said something…
The last year of my life has been, let’s say, tumultuous. I…
When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget…
There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it…
You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never…
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a prime candidate to hate…
Last week I was trying on a dress in a godforsaken dressing…
I guess I expected it would be easier this time. After all,…
Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract…
Hey there, I’m new to pandemics, and let me just say, I’m…
Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants…
Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up…
My philosophy of life is somewhere in between Buddhist compassion and metaphorical…
My husband watched this video of a woman removing a cyst from…
I happen to love teenagers. Both the ones I’ve worked with for…
Forget Tiger Moms and Helicopter Parenting and the latest parental wackiness I’m…
If you’re anywhere near middle aged, you are assaulted on the daily…
Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns…
“Enjoy every minute of it” is the most well-meaning piece of parenting…
Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying…
RULES FOR BEING MEREDITH Handed Down From Current Writing Software 1. You…
You’re not going anywhere until you survive the week before, which is…
For the first time since my daughter started her senior year of…
Almost daily, I read the news and I quickly lose faith in…
We weren’t doing anything wrong. We weren’t drinking or doing drugs. We…
My thighs and I have a troubled relationship. There is a great…
Showing your kids the movies you grew up with. What could go…
I was just thinking about jugglers. Because, of course I’m thinking about…
My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can…
I love my family, and I love eating food, but put them…
You ever wonder if you are doing a good job raising your…
Remember Happy Fun Ball from Saturday Night Live’s greatest commercials? “It’s Happy…
This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school…
If the title of this doesn’t instantly traumatize you, you probably weren’t…
I don’t have insomnia. I feel like insomnia is like depression, we…
There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back…
Hey Kids, Feel free to leave your stuff wherever you want this…
Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to…
‘Twas the week before Christmas when all through the house, Stuff was…
I recently got a crown. We all know there only a few…
I’ve mostly made peace with all of the perceived perfection I see…
Every minute of every day you wait patiently, a quandary, Oh, there…
I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and…
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll happily take a massage and a shout…
I have a vague recollection of my life before I was applying…
Do you remember when I posted this photo on Facebook? When I…
This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an…
Turns out 45 years old is just 45 years old. An age…
It’s not your parents’ midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going?…
I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for…
I get it. You don’t want a minivan. The entire idea of…
Dear Friends, It is the first day of the year and of…
Have you heard about Hamilton? The run-away smash hit musical currently dominating…
Dear Forties, Hello. Hello. It’s me. I know things have been over…
I saw an ad for some kind of tutoring for kids, I’m…
You’ve got to hand it to Gen Xers. We have been so…
For the first time in over five years we are sending out…
Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural…
Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the…
You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend…
So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news!…
So, I’m going to India. Such a simple sentence but I can…
There are so many things about myself I “should” try to change…
I don’t know about you but I’m overwhelmed by all of the numerical…
Christmas is my favorite holiday. No surprise. It’s a lot of people’s…
After being married for two decades, I’ve noticed a couple of things…
If you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you are well…
Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it,…
I find it strange that we revere years of marriage as an…
I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve…
Very witty! If you don’t know the satirical website Waterford Whispers, you should check out their articles. Yes some of them are specifically Irish humour, but many are hilarious and worth a read.