The Vidalia. Like The Onion, Only Sweeter. February 15, 2016
by M.Blazoned
Area Man was surprised when his “cool” wife was upset he didn’t do anything romantic for her on Valentine’s Day. Jason Reston of Portland, Oregon was confused because his wife is not the type to want a fancy overpriced dinner out with champagne and roses.
“I thought I knew her,” he said scratching his head. “I just never thought she was the kind of woman who would want me to do something to make her feel special on Valentine’s Day.” Jason went on to say that he wished there were some societal clues, or commercials, or a billion dollar business to help him figure that out.
“I wish someone had given me a heads up, ya know. So, I would have known that was a thing women liked on Valentine’s Day.”
“I feel like she’s to blame too,” Jason said while packing his bags. “I mean, she could have told me what she wanted, or even gone out and gotten it for herself and wrapped it from me.” Mr. Reston was very clear that he was 100% supportive of his wife spending a reasonable amount of money on something that would adequately express his romantic love for her without his being involved.
“I’m a romantic and I love my wife,” he added as he checked into the YMCA, “I just didn’t know there was a way or a specific day to express that.”
Related Posts
I have a vague recollection of my life before I was applying…
For the first time since my daughter started her senior year of…
I recently got a crown. We all know there only a few…
‘Twas the week before Christmas when all through the house, Stuff was…
I love my family, and I love eating food, but put them…
There’s an age-old trick in the conversations of married couples dating back…
I was a tour guide in college. I worked in admissions. I’ve…
The last year of my life has been, let’s say, tumultuous. I…
You’ve got to hand it to Gen Xers. We have been so…
Nestled deep within the quiet suburban setting, we come upon the natural…
This is the somewhat true story of how my husband eating an…
Showing your kids the movies you grew up with. What could go…
Christmas is my favorite holiday. No surprise. It’s a lot of people’s…
I have no idea why we care about some things deeply, and…
You ever wonder if you are doing a good job raising your…
Last week I was trying on a dress in a godforsaken dressing…
I love Christmas and I love buying gifts for people, but put…
I saw an ad for some kind of tutoring for kids, I’m…
There are so many things about myself I “should” try to change…
I find it strange that we revere years of marriage as an…
…or a Seinfeld Bond. Either Way. Today is the day that 20…
Forget Tiger Moms and Helicopter Parenting and the latest parental wackiness I’m…
Years ago, we were living in a teeny tiny, can’t stand up…
Something happens to my husband when we go on vacation. He turns…
“Enjoy every minute of it” is the most well-meaning piece of parenting…
Locust? Famine? Floods? You wish. Nope. The Aging Apocalypse is not the…
You’re not going anywhere until you survive the week before, which is…
We weren’t doing anything wrong. We weren’t drinking or doing drugs. We…
There is much debate about the worst stage of parenting. Is it…
Remember Happy Fun Ball from Saturday Night Live’s greatest commercials? “It’s Happy…
My thighs and I have a troubled relationship. There is a great…
I was just thinking about jugglers. Because, of course I’m thinking about…
If you’re anywhere near middle aged, you are assaulted on the daily…
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a prime candidate to hate…
Did I say September was the worst? I might have to retract…
I don’t have insomnia. I feel like insomnia is like depression, we…
My inner voice is an asshole. For as long as I can…
This is my 13th consecutive year with a child in elementary school…
Have you heard about Hamilton? The run-away smash hit musical currently dominating…
Hey there, I’m new to pandemics, and let me just say, I’m…
My husband watched this video of a woman removing a cyst from…
Do you remember when I posted this photo on Facebook? When I…
Dear Friends, It is the first day of the year and of…
It’s not your parents’ midlife crisis. Hey, how’s your midlife crisis going?…
I’ve mostly made peace with all of the perceived perfection I see…
If you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you are well…
For the first time in over five years we are sending out…
Someone started a comment to one of my blogs with, “Not to…
You know when you are feeling fat for you how you spend…
You know how when you were growing up you said you’d never…
When I was growing up, July 4th was my favorite holiday. Forget…
Almost daily, I read the news and I quickly lose faith in…
I guess I expected it would be easier this time. After all,…
I don’t know about you but I’m overwhelmed by all of the numerical…
If the title of this doesn’t instantly traumatize you, you probably weren’t…
So, I’m going to India. Such a simple sentence but I can…
After being married for two decades, I’ve noticed a couple of things…
Dear Forties, Hello. Hello. It’s me. I know things have been over…
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll happily take a massage and a shout…
Every minute of every day you wait patiently, a quandary, Oh, there…
I get it. You don’t want a minivan. The entire idea of…
My philosophy of life is somewhere in between Buddhist compassion and metaphorical…
I happen to love teenagers. Both the ones I’ve worked with for…
Hey Kids, Feel free to leave your stuff wherever you want this…
Are you the default parent? If you have to think about it,…
RULES FOR BEING MEREDITH Handed Down From Current Writing Software 1. You…
Turns out 45 years old is just 45 years old. An age…
So, you’re headed out on a family vacation this summer. Great news!…
Resumes are kind of my thing. My entire career has been evaluating applicants…
I have never liked horror movies. It was one and done for…
Not to be totally paranoid, but I’m pretty sure September is trying…
So, my friend invited me to a Better Than Ezra concert. She said something…
Very witty! If you don’t know the satirical website Waterford Whispers, you should check out their articles. Yes some of them are specifically Irish humour, but many are hilarious and worth a read.